Hello and welcome to today’s edition of A Slice Of Soap. There’s still time to enter the caption competition so get scribbling and make us all laugh. What’s going on in soapland this week? Let’s find out…
EastEnders w/e Friday May 29
Let me get this straight: Chelsea wants Theo to become a school teacher so she dresses up like a slutty St Trinian’s schoolgirl to persuade him? Porno flicks have better plots than that. And talk about a paedophile’s fantasy! What have the EastEnders writers been smoking? And don’t get me started on the Dotty and Nick thing – every time she opens her mouth, I keep expecting Nick to either threaten to put her back in the workhouse or hook her up with Fagin and the Artful Dodger.
Ridiculous. Anyway, back to this week and it’s the day of the trial for Jase’s murder – will Billy give evidence? Dawn blanks Billy and Jay runs away.
Phil has some words of advice for Dawn. Billy finds Jay. Ben’s frustrated with Phil and Syed bumps into a number of pretty girls. Heather’s upset by the state Shirley’s in and Ian’s excited when he hears that Jane’s managed to get them a free holiday. Jean’s concerned that Ian’s asking for Stacey’s loan money back.
Terry’s gang take Jay hostage; Billy decides to rescue him alone. Dotty tells Syd that Dot’s starting to forget things. A nervous Billy sees Jay on the floor with his hands tied behind his back. Dawn races across to the flat with Garry and Minty and they see a police car and ambulance speed around the corner… Ronnie tells Jack that she wants to have a baby with him. Peter’s shocked when Ian reveals that he’s planning on recouping the money Stacey owes him by selling Chops the pig. Nick’s plan seems to be working when Syd suggests that they take Dot to see a dementia specialist.
Also on EastEnders this week:
Syd’s new landlord is Ian Beale
Mo reluctantly sells Chops to Chinese Pedro
Ian surprises Jane with a tandem bicycle
Hollyoaks w/e Friday May 29
The countdown to Chris Fountain’s final appearance on Hollywoodoaks begins in earners. He’s apparently said that he has no plans to crack America – probably because EastEnders’ Rob Kazinsky, the latest soap actor to utter that sentence, is still on this side of the Atlantic. He was at the British Soap Awards a couple of weeks ago. Chris Fountain insists that writers would have struggled to create storylines for his character. How’s he figure that? Ken Barlow’s been in Corrie since it started and he’s still hanging on. Anyway, this week, the hate campaign against Warren continues. Calvin begs Sasha to come home with him. Warren threatens Justin and Hannah to get Justin to help burn down The Loft. Warren finds himself blindfolded and tied to a chair. He assumes Calvin is responsible but is stunned to discover that his attacker is Clare.
She tells him she’s back for Justin and demands that Warren call him to the club. A lonely Darren desperately tries to make Cindy listen to his reasons for setting Jake up as Sean’s murderer. Clare’s plan starts to disintegrate after she knocks Hannah unconscious so she starts the fire anyway. Warren’s still tied up when Justin bursts in. Through the flames and the smoke, he spots Hannah’s body but is it too late? Nancy complains to Kris about her relationship with Russ and his almost-maddening obsession with rescuing Max from the McQueens. When Russ realises that the fire may spread to Nancy’s flat, he rushes up to warn her, only to find her in bed with Kris.
Also on Hollyoaks this week:
Michaela and Zak’s plans for a lie-in get busted
Justin goes to see Charlie to say his final goodbye
Steph confronts Darren
Coronation Street w/e Friday May 29
Congratulations to Coronation Street actress Tupele Dorgu – otherwise known as catty, chatty factory worker Kelly Crabtree. She got married in Manchester on Saturday and at her lavish wedding, fellow Corrie stars wore red. I’m going to keep saying this until the writers listen: please get Kelly and Lloyd back together again and elevate them to a house on the Street. I’m convinced that there are storylines in these two – you know it makes sense.
Anyway, this week Peter’s jealous of Michelle and Luke’s burgeoning relationship. Fiz feels destroyed by John’s rejection. Sian tells Sophie that she’s worried Ryan might go off with Tamsin Beasely. Blanche’s hips are hurting because of Peter’s stairs. Joe starts to rely on painkillers to get him through a day’s work.
Sian’s dad Vinnie claims Ryan raped Sian. A stunned Ryan denies it. Natasha’s had enough of Tony hanging around Maria. Chesney tells a hurt Fiz that he’s decided to go back to school so that he won’t have to spend any time with her. Gary’s unemployment status is playing into David’s hands. Putting his plan into action David then talks up a burglary he’s planning with Graeme in front of Gary. Gary’s intrigued but will he bite? Joe goes to see the doctor about his back. But he’s anxious when he’s prescribed some lower dosage painkillers.
Also on Coronation Street this week:
Michelle lies to Peter
Fiz writes a letter to John in prison
Blanche tries her hand at bribery
Emmerdale w/e Friday May 29
An unexpected romance begins to blossom in Emmerdale as Bob Hope and Gennie Walker realise that they’re attracted to each other. Yes, Bob is missing incarcerated wife Viv, but will he cross the line and cheat on Viv or will he begin a relationship with his friend’s daughter? Hmmm. I’ll move on to the Woodentops instead; Mark remains distracted by Faye who’s threatened to tell Natasha the truth about their history together. Katie offers Lee a place to stay and he gratefully accepts. A jealous Nathan jumps to the wrong conclusion when he sees him in a towel. At the variety show, Bob steps in for Shadrach. Mark and Natasha’s re-wedding day dawns. Rodney urges Nicola to tell Jimmy about the baby. Mark is a new man and wastes no time injecting romance back into his marriage. Jimmy bumbles through a proposal and Nicola’s touched. Cain mischievously mentions Faye to him, but Mark relaxes as Cain hints that he’s just attracted to her – nothing else… Yeah, right.
Nicola dumps Jimmy after realising he knew all along about her pregnancy and it’s the only reason he proposed. Bob avoids Gennie when she tries to address their growing closeness. Bob tells Gennie that he doesn’t want her to move out and she says the same. Will other villagers notice the spark between Bob and Gennie? Brenda is eager to get back to work, but Terry advises her to rest up. Brenda is delighted when Doug presents her with a wheelchair enabling her to get back in action. Terry is unimpressed that Doug has started interfering in Brenda’s life again and has to hide his jealousy.
Also on Emmerdale this week:
Faye turns up at Mark and Natasha’s wedding
Carl and Lexi are back
The unexpected happens with Belle’s ‘decapitation chamber’ act
That’s it for me, I’m out of here. Join me on Wednesday for more soap news and gossip. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me.
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