Beale Loses The Plot

 
Hello Soapsters. Welcome to A Slice of Soap. Let’s get to it.
 
EastEnders w/e September 21
 
Well it looks as though Ian Beale is finally beginning to lose the plot, although I’d argue that he lost it years ago. Anyway, Ian’s paranoia grows as he receives a gift that convinces him that someone’s out to get him. In fact, it’s fair to say that he’s beginning to doubt his own sanity. He gets so desperate that that he resorts to writing a list of all his potential enemies…and that must be a pretty long list. He eventually narrows it down to two individuals: his dead wife Cindy and his long-suffering alive wife Jane.  This is a pretty big storyline for the old soap so expect it to dominate in the next few days. What I can’t figure out is how does a weasel like Ian ‘squeal’ Beale land at the centre of some of the most compelling plots in EastEnders’ history? What’s he got that our hero Gus hasn’t? Hmmm.
   
Elsewhere, Kevin susses that Deano is about to do a runner and tries to stop him. However, when Sean ‘Shout!’ Slater catches up with Deano in a public toilet, Kevin soon realises that he needs to protect his son so they both decide to run away together. Well, the Great Train Robbers did it, didn’t they? But eventually they missed dear old Blighty. ‘Ome. They missed apple crumble and custard, roast beef dinner, rain, brown sauce…Not long to go before Parklife! Phil Daniels bows out, but what a stupid storyline to go out on..
 
Also on EastEnders this week:
 
Billy uncovers a secret from Jase’s past and Jay tries to come to terms with his dad’s secret.

Phil returns to Albert Square and isn’t pleased to find Roxy and Ronnie so settled at the Vic (join the queue mate. The sooner they go, the better). 
 
Ian attempts to uncover the truth behind text messages from ‘Cindy’.
 
Coronation Street w/e September 21
 
It’s all heating up on’t cobbles this week as Coronation Street discovers the world of recreational drugs. Bethany swallows an Ecstasy tablet and ‘Damian’ David has to tell the doctors what’s made her so ill. He struggles with his conscience (what? You mean he actually has one!) as Bethany’s life is left hanging in the balance. Yes Soapsters, the drama unfolds after David babysits Beth while Sarah visits a wedding photographer. To his horror ‘Damian’ David realises that Beth has found a stash of Darryl’s drugs that he hid in one of her dolls – and that one of the pills is missing.
 
Now I don’t know about you, but to me there’s something about this storyline that just doesn’t add up. OK – there was a similar incident in the papers so we know it’s possible for a young child to accidentally swallow an Ecstasy tablet. But it’s all so contrived. Where’s that Stig-of-the-dump character who had the drugs in the first place been hiding? I mean, where did he come from? Sorry, but I expect a little more from the writers of Corrie – they’re not usually this lazy with their plotting. Oooh look – it’s a pale, pasty, shifty-looking bloke ergo he can be the drug pusher that will drive the storyline forward so that we can get some newspaper coverage and ratings. Tsk, tsk Corrie. Get back to proper story/character developing please and don’t pander to sensationalism.
 
Also on Coronation Street this week:
 
Hayley tries to put the past behind her (she’s already done that by putting Harold behind her, but she’s got to do it again if y’see what I mean).
 
David pushes Gail too far and faces the consequences of his actions (what’s she gonna do? Take away his Clearasil?).
 
Liam returns to find Carla has a new admirer (why should he care? Unless…).
 
Emmerdale w/e September 21
 
We’ve had some amazing storylines on this soap this month, haven’t we? Who can forget ‘The Great Diamond Robbery’? Or the sight of Jo disappearing into the sky in her hot air balloon? Have we mentioned her petting farm? Things just get better and better on Emmerdale, don’t they?

 
This week, Lexi flips and reveals that Carrie is really her mum and not her sister – talk about skeletons in the family closet! It all comes out when Lexi is exposed as a thief (‘cos she was one of the great diamond robbers, remember?). Anyway, Carrie is horrified and disowns her wayward sister which prompts Lexi to break down in tears, revealing to Carrie that she knows that Carrie is really her mum and not her sister. Fans of EastEnders will recognise this story arc – only it was done much more memorably when Kat emotionally yelled at Zoe that she was her mother, not her sister. Who can forget that? Apparently not the writers of Emmerdale. Carrie had Lexi when she was only 14-years-old. I suppose we’ll see Eli taking a paternity test to prove that he’s the father of  Liam Gallagher. He had him when he was only ten-years-old. Come on Emmerdale, you’ll never win any Soap awards like this.  
 
Also on Emmerdale this week:
 
Jimmy and Carrie grow closer following Scarlett’s disappearance.
 
Zak trains for the big fight.
 
A mysterious woman outbids the Kings for Holdgate.
 
Hollyoaks w/e September 21
 
This is the one British soap that could easily transplant to Hollywood once the Scouse accents are dubbed over by American actors. Try and picture it and you’ll see that it’s not such a far-fetched notion after all. The cast is young and pretty (and we all know how much Americans love youth) and the girls are skinny too. Where are the oldies and the plump people? Isn’t there supposed to be a fat epidemic in the UK? And aren’t people living longer too? Anyway, on Hollyoaks this week, Warren throws a lavish party at the loft to announce he is the new owner and Katy is delighted when he offers Justin the manager’s job.
 
John Paul is excited about going to Dublin with Craig, but Craig wants to keep it quiet. Anyone noted the irony of this gay storyline being treated in a much more frank manner than what we see on Coronation Street at the moment? Sean’s got a new boyfriend and all he’s got so far is a peck on the cheek. Back to Hollyoaks, Frankie refuses to accept that her son and John Paul are together. The worthy but lengthy anorexia storyline drags on as Hannah struggles to cope at Melissa’s funeral. Sarah is on hand to support her, but the true extent of her eating disorder is finally revealed as Hannah collapes.
 
Elsewhere, Clare flips after discovering who tried to kill her and sets up a deadly game of cat and mouse by kidnapping Katy. With Max and Warren in hot pursuit, Clare’s car veers out of control and over the edge of a quarry into the water below leaving Clare’s life in Max’s hand.  
 
Also on Hollyoaks this week:
 
Sarah is distraught when she finds out John Paul is going to Dublin with Craig, and begs Craig to take her back (Sarah love, what he wants, you ain’t got).
 
Frankie is finding it hard to deal with Craig’s departure.
 
That’s it for now. Join me on Wednesday for more news and gossip from the world of soaps. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me.
 
Ms Bubbles
MSN’s Eye On Soaps
 
 
 
 
 
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3 Responses to Beale Loses The Plot

  1. Unknown says:

     i watched eastenders tonight 21st september who the hell was that kid that was storking ian i missed his at the end

  2. Unknown says:

    i reackon it was steven, steven wicks son  cos he doesn\’t like ian could be wrong

  3. Dave says:

    Get a life

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