Hello Soapsters, welcome to another slice of soap. Let’s get to it…
Did anyone watch Emmerdale last night? Come on…I know there must be at least one fan out there somewhere…Anyway, if you were watching, you’d have arrived at the same conclusion I did: they definitely get the award for this week’s most unbelievable storyline. Yes, even more ridiculous than Joe and her silly petting farm (and those annoying goats), I’m referring to the great diamond robbery! Did you see it? What a joke!
Chas, Debbie and Lexi attempted a jewellery heist that would have made Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs and his boys look like a bunch of amateurs. Apparently, the girls hit on the heist idea after hearing about an upcoming jewellery sale at Home Farm. They planned to nick a few diamonds and sell them on for a tidy sum. Now ere’s the plan: Debbie Dingle (her name sounds like a page 3 girl) distracted the jewellery dealer; Chas sprayed the guests with her Champagne to create a diversion for the buyers while Lexi plunged the house into complete darkness. Amid the confusion, Debbie nicked the diamond necklace, before secretly slipping it into Rodney’s jacket pocket. That was stupid, but here’s where it gets idiotic…
Realising his jacket had been soaked with Champagne, Rodney demanded that Chas have it dry cleaned and…you guessed it…Chas gets the perfect excuse to pocket the diamond. Talk about an unbelievable storyline! Next to this, Roxy fake-kissing Ian Beale in EastEnders is worthy of a Bafta Award. Emmerdale fans – this soap is in a rut. There are way too many silly storylines (anything involving Viv and Eli, Debbie Dingle becoming a qualified mechanic and a business woman to rival Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter etc). At the moment, I get more pleasure out of that annoying ‘Picture’ loans advert ("Dad’s found your scoot-errrrrr!") than this programme.
More eye-rolling nonsense involves those stupid Mitchell sisters on EastEnders. The latest? Roxy fake-kissed Ian Beal because the blonde bimbo siblings wanted to fool Damian into believing that Ian was her new fella. In the words of comedienne Gina Yashere: "I don’t fink so!" Damian ain’t that silly and neither are we! So a couple of weeks into their much-hyped appearance – what do we make of the sisters? For me, they just aren’t convincing. Ronnie and Roxy are intended to be Grant and Phil’s successors, but what have they done? Absolutely nothing! And before anyone says anything, it is possible for a soap character to make an immediate impact: Pat Evans (née Harris; previously Beale, Wicks and Butcher) did. As much as it pains me to say it, even our hero Gus has been more interesting to watch than those two. The only thing interesting about them is their names. I bet the script writers really wanted to call them Ronnie and Regina to give them an air of East End ‘respectability’.
If the producers of EastEnders want grit, they should bring in some real hard nuts like Ray Winstone or even Vinnie Jones. Jones would make the perfect villain. I can just see him now doing the famous Gazza move on Phil Mitchell while holding back his two vicious rottweilers (named ‘Pat Butcher’ and ‘Shirley Wicks’). Now that’s what I call convincing. Meanwhile, we’ll just have to put up with the likes of Sean ‘Shout’ Slater and those Mitchell sisters. Sigh.
Gus Watch: Try our mini crossword. 1 across is 3 letters. The clue? He had a few drinks in the Old Vic, but did nothing else useful on EastEnders this week…
That’s it for now. See you all on Monday with a preview of the week’s action in all the main soaps. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me here.
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