EastEnders – Week Ending August 31st
Poor old Garry, it’s just not been his week. Dawn’s gone off with another fella, Heather and Shirley have turned into the stalkers from hell and now his best mate Minty has fallen head-over-heels in love with his mum! Surely things can’t get any worse than that? I mean, just the thought of Minty gettin’ jiggy is enough to make anyone violently sick – but when it’s with your mum….yuck. He’s not exactly Brad Pitt is he? In fact he makes Heather (Big-Daddy in drag) look like Miss World. But hey, I shouldn’t be so unkind, after all looks aren’t everything… we all know that it’s a good personality that counts. Unfortunately for Minty that’s all he’s going to be left with by the time Garry gets hold of him. Anyway, it’s the Albert Square Fun Day – ironic really considering that a ‘fun’ day in EastEnders usually ends with tears and tantrums. Is this the depressing, miserable soap we all love to moan about?
Patrick goes back to work for the first time since the attack. Roxy receives a text message from her fiancée Damian (yawn). Hold that bucket firmly in front of your mouth because it’s ‘EastEnders does comedy time’. And who do they pick on to deliver the laughs? Ian Beale. He loses out to Jay and Jase in the father and son race. And then he screamed and screamed and made himself sick cos he’s a big baby.
The week’s big storyline: Roxy and Ronnie welcome an unexpected visitor.
Soap News: Battle of the soaps as EastEnders and Corrie pull out their big storylines. Read more about this here.
Coronation Street- Week Ending August 31st
Wow! Wasn’t Monday’s episode of Coronation Street absolutely gripping? David Platt on top of that roof threatening to kill his whole family had me clinging to the sofa cushions. I was torn between holding a cross in front of the TV set (where’s the Damien music from The Omen?) or counting the number of acne spots on his face. In the end I did both. Acne – I remember it well. Anyway, great storyline from the writers of Coronation Street. We also saw Jack and Vera celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. That was a right laugh. Vera deserves a gold medal for putting up with Jack for so long…or should it be the other way around? But in my books nobody quite comes close to Stan and Hilda Ogden. That was the original ball-and-chain marriage. However, Jack Duckworth is number one when it comes to belting out a tune and giving the audience a laugh. I reckon they ought to get him up in front of Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh. He sounded a lot better than some of this year’s X Factor auditionees.
In the week coming up, Sinbad-Jerry finally takes Eileen on a date. I think they’d make a good couple. With Jack and Vera going, and the bells of doom ringing for Les and the glorious Cilla, Corrie needs a couple with a long-suffering husband/partner. Could Sinbad-Jerry and Eileen fill the gap? There’s loads of Cilla-time as her storyline with pervy Frank heats up towards her imminent exit (don’t go!). Bad news: the Ashley/Clurrrrrrrr/Casey storyline is still going on. Yawn. How many more times Corrie writers – nobody cares!
The week’s big storyline: Hayley’s world is turned upside down by a secret from her past.
Emmerdale – Week Ending August 31st
Donna’s finally worked out that Eli was the gunman who shot and almost killed Marlon in the bungled betting shop raid. At last…what took her so long? It’s not as if you needed to have the intelligence of Sherlock Holmes to work that one out. Anyway Donna agonizes over whether or not to tell Marlon about her discovery while Eli is busily trying to persuade his brother to commit yet another burglary. (why don’t they try Jo’s petting farm, I’ve had enough of her and those silly goats.) As the pregnancy drags on, Laurel grows more and more uncomfortable. Well duh! It’s called having a baby. In a stupid storyline, Laurel gets locked in the church and suddenly goes into labour leaving Shadrach to try to raise the alarm by ringing the church bells. Will Emmerdale’s very own hunchback do so in time? Elsewhere, Billy and Diane row over her persistent meddling in his and Val’s relationship, and she admits to still having feelings for Billy. A party brings out all kinds of feelings in various people – Chas tells Jonny that Paul is really keen on him. After trying rings on for fun, Jonny buys one and takes Paul into the grounds of Home Farm and gets down on one knee…
The weeks’ award-winning storyline: Kelly turns up drunk at the party and does something she regrets.
Hollyoaks – Week Ending August 31st
Just think, Big Brother’s Brian will be able to get back to the soap he loves best after this week. We find poor Jacqui, tormented by her lost baby, on a path to self-destruction. Let’s put it this way, have a happy DVD ready so that you can cheer yourself up. I’ll probably put on the classic years of Sesame Street. Never fails to raise a smile. Louise is concerned that Warren is returning to his old ways. Myra is frustrated that her daughters are doing nothing to win back their men. Still distraught after losing her baby, Jacqui resorts to shoplifting Champagne. O———K. That makes a great deal of sense. Because that’s what everyone does when they’re depressed; nick some Champers.
Louise keeps her fingers crossed that Warren will be a reformed character after his clash with Russ. Not a chance luv. Despite spending a night locked up at the police station (the shame!), Jacqui is still not sure that she’s ready to move on. Darren takes Zoe for a romantic picnic andClive comes to Jessica’s rescue when she is visited by bailiffs. Nancy’s patience is tested by Russ and Hannah is mortified by her lies about Gilly, but then shocked when she visits Melissa in hospital. Darren and Zoe begin to worry they’re not compatible. Blimey, who is?
The week’s big storyline: A desperate Hannah cries rape
That’s it for this week. Join me on Wednesday for more of a slice of soap. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me.
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