Hello Soapsters, welcome to another slice of soap. Let’s get to it…
EastEnders – (week ending August 24th)
This week on EastEnders we see half the cast heading out of Albert Square down to the coast. I can’t imagine why, after all the Square is noted for its tranquility and beauty. Let’s see: blue sky, blue sea and sand on the coast…or concrete, grime and Keith Miller in Walford. I know which view I’d prefer. Let’s not forget Ian Beale’s café and chippy, the Slater’s stall, Patrick and Yolanda’s half-stocked corner shop (there’s more food in a size zero model’s fridge).
Anyway Garry gets some decent EastEnders screen time; he can’t believe his luck (and not just about the decent screen time) when Dawn agrees to go with him on a trip to Brighton. However her true intentions become clear when she heads off on a shopping trip leaving Garry holding the baby. Things go from bad to worse as Heather (who looks like the daughter of the late 70s wrestler Big Daddy) confides in Shirley about her feelings for Garry. The pair then follow him to Brighton, demanding to know why he won’t give Heather a chance. If I were Garry I’d get some help from Phil and Grant. Quick!
Another familiar face joined EastEnders this week. Would you Adam and Eve it, it’s legendary actor from The Bill Christopher Ellison. Familiar to millions as DI Frank Burnside, he was so hard, he made The Krays look like Andy Pandy. Christopher will play Len Harker. He’s already come to Pat’s rescue and there’s a chance that the meeting will lead to a holiday romance for widow Pat. If so, at least it won’t be the cringe-fest that Pat and Patrick was – remember that? I’ve been known to wake up screaming from memory flashbacks of those two gettin’ jiggy. Yuck.
EastEnders latest news: Phil Daniels is quitting EastEnders. The star, who plays Kevin Wicks in the BBC soap, has decided not to renew his contract. In my opinion, he always looked like a fish-out-of-water in the soap anyway. If you want to read more on this story extra details are here.
Gus Watch: Nasa ordered the Space Shuttle Endeavor to return home a day early after successfully completing its mission to repair the damaged panels on the International Space Station. When asked what contributed to the success of the mission, a senior official at Nasa remarked: "The Astronauts drew great strength from the inspirational EastEnders character Gus Smith. In their darkest moments, they would visualise him sweeping the streets of Walford, trying to get the chewing gum off his broom, and that gave them the courage to go on." In other words, Gus did nothing meaningful on EastEnders last week.
Next Week’s Top Storylines: Roxy has to pack her bags and leave Albert Square
Coronation Street: – (week ending August 24th)
Over in’ t Street, now that Sarah’s ruined Evil David’s chances with Mel, he tells a horrified Jason that he wants to kill Gail. Eek! Who will save our favourite Chipmunk? I realise some of you might question whether that really makes David a weirdo; those of you that have secretly wanted Gail bumped off for ages – you naughty people! But she does seem to have her fair share of bad luck; first she marries a serial killer and now it looks as if she’s spawned one. The Corrie writers deserve a round of applause for the way they’ve developed David’s character – he has turned into one of the creepiest kids ever. Actor Jack P Shepherd is excellent in the role; he’s made Evil David so disturbing to watch, I always wonder why I can’t hear the ‘Damien music’ from The Omen every time he’s on screen.
Jack and Vera Duckworth celebrate 50 years together with a party, but this week we see their scheming grandson Paul take out a loan in Jack’s name to buy into Leanne Battersby’s troubled restaurant Valandros. When Jack and Vera find out, will the shock send the pair to an early grave? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for certain, Paul is proving to be a chip-off-the-old-block. He’s definitely his father’s son (remember heartless Terry Duckworth?) and is turning into the grandson from hell. What is it with Corrie and the hot place down below? Should we next expect to see Lancashire hotpot specialist Betty reveal a cloven hoof?
Next Week’s Top Storylines: Hayley confesses a shocking secret
Emmerdale – (week ending August 24th)
The big story on Emmerdale (other than Jo and her goats, of course) is that Donna gets suspicious about Eli’s (the one who looks like he was separated from Liam Gallagher at birth) involvement in the raid on the bookies. Marlon is then forced to confess to his wife that he wasn’t just an innocent bystander, but that he actually took part in the raid with his brother Eli. Watching Emmerdale recently has been like a trip back to the glory days of the 1980s; page 3’s Linda Lusardi and Dempsey and Makepeace’s Glynis Barber have both made key appearances and we say, let’s have more. Limahl from 80s pop group Kajagoogoo could become the new hairdresser. The A Team’s Dirk ‘Face’ Benedict could be the suave American billionaire who causes a riot (or what passes for one in Emmerdale, maybe a heated discussion) with his proposals to build a massive mall on top of The Woolpack and Daley Thompson could pop in and play a Cockney fitness instructor. Yeah – back to the 1980s! Of course there are some who think Emmerdale is still stuck in the 1980s, but that’s a different subject.
Emmerdale latest news: Is a gay wedding planned for Emmerdale? Jonny Foster and Paul Lambert are set to tie the knot. Read more about this here.
Next Week’s Top Storylines: Grace struggles to resist Carl’s advances
Hollyoaks – (week ending August 24th)
The big question that everybody’s asking this week is will Warren be sent down for the attempted murder of Clare? Things aren’t looking too good for old Warren especially when Clare gives an Oscar-winning performance (the one and only that you’ll ever see in Hollyoaks) when she’s called to the stand. The prosecution reveals that Warren had a motive which leaves him with no choice but to get Mercedes to admit that they were together when Clare was attacked. But will Mercedes risk losing Russ? It gets more and more complicated by the minute, but with Warren’s trial coming to an end (thank goodness), we’ll all be put out of our misery. Until the next episode anyway.
Next Week’s Top Storylines: Russ and Calvin decide to get revenge on Warren as he winds them up about his relationships with Louise and Mercedes.
That’s it for now. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me here.
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