Woss Goin’ On?

 
Hello Soapsters! Welcome to A Slice Of Soap. Every week, we’ll be taking a sideways glance at some of the most popular soaps on the box. We’ll give you news, views and interviews – and we’ll give it to you straight. If you want a bog standard summary of, as Phil Mitchell would put it, "woss goin’ on" – don’t come here. Go to the official sites. We’re here to tell it like it is and entertain you…which is more than some of the soaps have been doing recently. Anyway, are you all sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…
 
EastEnders- (week ending 17/08/07)
 
So woss goin’ on in EastEnders this week then? Well I suppose the big story is the continuing saga of who shot Patrick…Sorry did I say who shot Patrick? Maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part; I haven’t been able to get the idea out of my head ever since I saw that gun in the glove compartment of Craig’s car – that would really liven up  EastEnders. The storyline could run for the next decade and we could finally find out that it was Tanya’s unborn baby all along. I mean that would be a lot more believable than the current storyline. It’s quite obvious that Sean "shout!" Slater is innocent. The man is a law-abiding pillar of society. How could we even suspect that it was him who clobbered poor old Patrick? That would be stretching the imagination too far wouldn’t it?  Free Sean "shout!" Slater… he’s innocent!  
 
And how about that little rascal Craig who’s run off with Ian Beale’s daughter? Why don’t they do us all a favour and never return to Albert Square. If Ian Beale’s got any sense, instead of trying to bribe Craig to leave Lucy alone, he’ll pay the pair to stay out of his life and ours forever. But then again, what am I talking about? Ian Beale’s never had any sense. Except ‘non’ sense…
 
Next Week’s Big Storyline: Pat gets a letter from someone from her past and Minty and Gary have a bust up in Brighton.
 
Gus Watch: This is where we tell you the most meaningful thing poor old Gus Smith has done on EastEnders. This week, Gus Smith brokered a deal at the United Nations securing peace in the Middle East…In other words, he did nothing worth talking about on EastEnders.
 
EastEnders News: If you’re a fan of the Mitchell sisters, read this Samantha Janus profile
 
Coronation Street – (Week ending 17/08/07)
 
On Corrie this week apparently Audrey gives Ashley a wake-up call and Casey reacts in fury to Audrey’s interference. Man…I wish Audrey would give me a wake-up call because every time I start watching Clurrrrr and Ashley, the next sound I hear is the bongs for News At Ten; they’re enough to send anyone to sleep. They are worse than watching paint dry while simultaneously listening to country music. Corrie writers, we can’t put this clearer: nobody cares about Ashley and Clurrrrrr’s marriage. We don’t care if Ashley has a fancy woman. We don’t care if Casey is crazy. We don’t care if Clurrrrrrrr never returns. Face facts: this is the most boring love triangle in the history of boring love triangles. Thank goodness for David Platt, although that’s a huge irony because goodness and David Platt are as far removed from each other as Britney and Kevin. Yes people, we’re at the start of evil David going down the slippery slope of perhaps becoming Coronation Street’s youngest ever serial killer! If that be the case, could he pop down to Albert Square? There are a few people I’d like to see disappear…
 
Next weeks’ big Storyline: David tells a horrified Jason that he wants to kill Gail! Who will save our favourite chipmunk from her evil son?
 
Corrie News: Anthony Cotton’s new chat show has started on ITV in the afternoons. I watched it with my toes curled so tightly, even an ant couldn’t have crawled between them. I think gouging my eyes out with a spoon would’ve been less painful. Yes he was nervous, but he’s out of his depth. I like him on Coronation Street, but he’s no Paul O’Grady, which this show is obviously trying to ape. I hate to say it – but give it a miss. 
 
Hollyoaks – (week ending 17/08/07)
 
This week, among other things, Suzanne demands to know the reason for Hannah’s rapid weight loss. Suzanne if you’re listening I’ll tell you the reason…Hannah, like the rest of the female cast of Hollyoaks, needs to be a certain size just to hold on to her job. Apart from Chloe ‘the moose’ Bruce, when was the last time you saw a full-figured woman on Hollyoaks?  
 
Next week’s big Storyline: Warren’s trial comes to an end… but what’s the verdict? 
Emmerdale – (week ending 17/08/07)
The cast of Emmerdale are convinced their favourite show can win Best Soap at this year’s InsideSoap Awards. Hold on…..hold on…..just a minute….taking a breath…OK. I’ve stopped laughing now. Matt Healy, who plays Matthew King and is himself up for Best Bad Boy at the awards said: "It would be great if Emmerdale won. We’re always missing out on awards like that so it’d make a great change." I’m not surprised Emmerdale miss out on awards. I mean, take this Sunday’s storyline for instance. Jo is desperate to save her goats from slaughter so she convinces Andy to set up a petting farm. Now here’s the Award-winning twist: Andy comes around to the plan…but only if the petting farm makes a profit! Hahahahahahahhahahahhaha! What they ought to do is get Jo to slaughter her goats live on stage at the Inside Soap Awards. That would certainly put Emmerdale on the soap map!
 
Emmerdale News: Some of the old gang are making a move elsewhere on the box. Read this for more info
 
Next week’s storyline: Mathew and Perdy decide to join forces against Rosemary. How exciting…So, whatever you’re doing
don’t miss Emmerdale.
 
That’s it for this week. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me.
 
Ms Bubbles
MSN’s Eye On Soaps
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3 Responses to Woss Goin’ On?

  1. Soap Blogger says:

     Funny blog. Like it. Gus Watch is a hoot!

  2. Patrick says:

    My wife is a soap addict ,I hate them,so when they are on I spend my time watching the actors rather than their characters or storylines.Kevin Wicks makes Charley Fairhead look like Laurence Olivier,embarrassing and very annoying to watch.Ignominity is the best place for him.

  3. Unknown says:

    Not that I am a big Tom Crusie fan, but to comapre the biggest earning hollywood star of his generation with about 20 international successes under his belt with an actor (albiet an ok one) who hasn\’t been in anything decent since Quadraphenia in the late 70\’s is a bit of a reach to say the least. A more apt comparison would have been another washup like Micheal Keaton?

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